


Taint

by GrumpySpaceKitten



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Demon!Dean, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-03-07 06:43:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3165158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrumpySpaceKitten/pseuds/GrumpySpaceKitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After becoming a demon, down in the dumps is a mild way of putting how Dean feels.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Taint

Dean stared silently into black eyes and it took all his willpower not to claw them out.

 

He ran his fingers lightly over freckled cheeks, through soft blonde hair, and traced plush lips. Everything else was still his, which meant these foul eyes must be too.

 

His knuckles turned white as he gripped the edge of the sink tightly when black flicked to green. Somehow this only made him want to rid himself of the body part more.

 

He knew that wouldn’t be enough though. He could feel the darkness  inside himself, the evil. The taint. There was nothing he could do to make it leave. He would have it forever. It would always be in him, there eating away at his humanity.

 

He would always be a monster.

 

He closed his hated eyes tightly when he felt tears drip down his cheeks. He didn’t deserve self pity. 

 

“Dean.” The whisper was soft -  tender \- but it still drew an animalistic growl from his throat, quickly wiping the liquid from his face with one hand, the other reaching in his jacket for the First Blade…

 

...But it was stopped by a gentle hand and Dean found himself looking into bright blue eyes.

 

He wished there was anger in those eyes. He wanted hatred, disgust, fear, murder, anything! Anything other than the deep sorry those irises held. Deep sorrow for him when he meant nothing.

 

“Dean.” the angel whispered again and slowly lead his hand away from the knife, it clattering to the cold tile floor.

 

“Leave me, Cas.” the demon choked out even as his tainted hands were being held by soft, caring ones.

 

“No.” Castiel whispered the single word so fervently it might have been the answer to world peace.

 

Dean wanted to be angry, wanted to pick that cursed jawbone off the floor and start throwing threats around, but he couldn’t. “Damn it, Cas. I’m a demon, a  monster. You’re supposed to kill me!”

 

Cas slowly release one of Dean’s hands to reach ip and cradle the demon’s cheek gently in his palm. “You are still beautiful to me, Dean Winchester.”

 

The words were so unexpected m so different from what he’d thought would come next, that Dean felt like he’d almost taken a physical blow. He changed his eyes to solid black and met Castiel’s. “Even like this?”

 

There was not an ounce of hesitation in the nod the angel gave.

 

Dean felt tears prick at his eyes and he shook his head as he closed them. “This isn’t how it’s suppose to go.” he whispered, voice thick with emotion. “You’re suppose to kill me and have it be a done deal.”

 

“Well this is how it’s going.” Cas replied quietly. “Because as you told me, I’d rather have you, cursed or not.” He stared straight into those hated black eyes as he continued, “I’d rather have you, Dean Winchester, no matter what.”

  
Dean just looked at him blankly for a moment before he buried his face in Castiel’s coat as caring arms were wrapped around him. He cried without shame into his angel’s trench coat, mourning all he’d lost.


End file.
